Going Insane

It’s not my fault. Andrew made me do it. (No, he didn’t make me go insane.) He said that I need to get back to blogging. And not because he wants me out of his hair. He says that he would prefer to keep me all to himself but I need to write. As he phrased it, when I don’t let it flow, it flows out my eyes. I feel like I’m going insane.

Tuesday I was down, but I had a good heart to heart with God. He led me to some music that spoke to me, and my spirit was lifted. (I’ll share more about this on Sunday.)

I woke up on Wednesday feeling great. I was happy. I was having a good energy day so I got on top of some things to prepare for my parents coming for my dad’s birthday lunch today.

Then yesterday I crashed. I woke up feeling depressed, prayed, listened to music, spent most of the day in bed and ended up in tears. I tried to sleep it off, but as I began falling asleep I started to have a dream about getting my finger caught in a three ring binder, twitched and woke up. If birds aren’t biting me binders are biting me. What is up with this!?

Finally I decided to call Andrew to come talk to me. After talking for a bit that’s when he informed me that I need to get back to blogging. We went back and forth about it, then I realized that I was getting happy at the thought of blogging. Maybe I do need to blog. It seems that the Lord just wanted me to come talk to Him. I did, and I will continue to have these heart to hearts with Him.

Earlier yesterday I wrote the poem that I’ll share below. God answered this prayer quite quickly. (Thank you, Lord) Then when I finally got myself out of bed Andrew was listening to the playlist that I recently put together for us. One of the songs that he quite enjoyed right off the bat was Matthew Parker’s “Every Other Day.” It’s a funny little song—a happy bouncy one with a very relatable message. I personally think it’s pretty brilliant. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who feels like they’re going insane. Matthew Parker will recieve a more official post soon, but here are those lyrics that ring so true:

“And everybody says I’m doing fine, but they can’t see the inside of my mind. It’s like somebody turned out the lights, and I don’t know what’s going on. It seems like every other day I’m feeling like I’m going insane.”

Matthew Parker – Every other Day
Lol…

Renew My Strength

I don’t want to write a poem that’s sad

The world has enough tragedy

I need you, Lord, to comfort me 

When my strength is gone 

And this war has me beat.

I don’t want to fight when I know I should rest

Lord, help me to know how much I am blessed

When I can’t find the words and my prayers have worn thin

Please fill me with hope once again.

For I’ve been fighting too hard 

And this still doesn’t work

I’m worn from the battle 

And it’s starting to hurt

I know that You’re good 

But I’m feeling weak 

Father, teach me to praise

When I don’t want to speak.

I don’t want to fall when I know I can fly

The world has enough calamity

I need you, Lord, to strengthen me

When I lose my focus

Please help me see.

I don’t want to write a hopelessness refrain

Lord, help me to know that there’s power in Your name

When I can’t find my way be the light to my path

Jesus, fill in the blanks

When I can’t do the math. 

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Isaiah 40:29-31(NIV)

(Photo credit goes to Pixabay.com user Kadres.)

18 thoughts on “Going Insane

  1. I am glad you had a good heart-to-heart with the Lord. Those are important and probably something most of us should do on a regular basis. I know I always feel better when I have then. Sending prayers and love ❤️

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  2. I’m glad that you had time with the Lord and found what you really need. I love your poem. God has gifted you for a purpose, and as you follow through with that purpose you will be greatly blessed and find that you have all you need to keep on keeping on in Him. May Jesus breathe His love all over you.

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  3. Such a heartfelt poem, Tina! It’s good to see you back.
    Sometimes a complete break helps – at other times it feels too isolating. I know with myself, there are many here on WordPress who uplift me with their precious posts, but it only works when I set enough time alone with God.
    I know what it’s like to feel up and down all the time, Tina. Stay close to God and friends you trust who genuinely care about you. And keep writing, but don’t stress over it.
    The poem you posted echoes how I often feel. It’s a beautiful prayer. I’ll turn to it when I can’t find the words.
    God’s love to you, Tina. 🙏🙌💖

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    1. Thanks so much, Lesley. You’re a gem. You’re sounding like Andrew. He told me to be me and have fun. Yeah, I do sometimes stress about what I write and share. That definitely takes the joy out of it. You’re so right about spending enough time with God, too. That’s my top priority. The rest will fall into place if I rest in Him.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, Andrew sounds like he knows what he’s talking about. 🙂
        You’ll be fine, Tina … God has this (and you). x

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      2. I know. I’m not so concerned about me. I was, but the Lord helped me with that. Now I just need to trust Him with other things that I can’t change. I hate having peace when I know that others are struggling for that peace.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. We all have struggles but remember the verse be still and know I am God” in Hebrew actually means let go. Gods telling us I’ve got this ans we can trust Him! Loved the poem!

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    1. Yeah, let go… why is that so hard? More trust needed. More remembering what He’s done and what He does. More of everything Him….less of me. Yeaaaaaaaah. That’s the key. 😃

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  5. I think a few are struggling at present. It’s easy when the world is currently built on shifting sand. Blogging does help me. I guess it’s going to be even more important over the next few months. I’m so pleased your back. Sorry it took awhile to read these but it wasn’t showing up on my WP.

    The poem is just perfect.

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