Friday morning I felt lost. Don’t worry, it wasn’t a dire kind of lost, more like a “what am I going to do today?” kind of lost. It’s hard when you don’t have a schedule. I’m not good at managing myself. I’m so glad that I have Jesus to help me. I’m a mess.
I am working on a schedule, but it is really slow going. This brings me to grace. With my cycles of sleeplessness to not being able to keep my eyes open–at times–and my varying energy levels, I not only need grace, I need to show myself some grace as well. Sometimes there’s also depression or anxiety thrown into the mix, and my brain can fail to get into gear. I expect myself to be a superhero despite these challenges, among other things that challenge my efforts.
I’m so hard on myself. It’s because I’m not where I want to be or who I want to be. It’s way too easy for me to look at others and think, wow they are so amazing, and look at me… I trip over myself at every turn. They’re doing so well. They’ve got a routine or a plan (something solid) and I’m still trying to get through the day.
I’m still trying to set goals and put them into practice, but changing moods and energy levels definitely slow me down. I don’t like it, but I don’t think this is without purpose. I can be a run ahead of God kind of person. My health and life struggles have forced me to take things a lot slower.
What is grace anyways? From a spiritual standpoint grace is unmerited mercy. That’s what Jesus offered on the cross. He took our sins upon Himself, so that we could be free in Him.
I don’t take advantage of that freedom. I’ve worked way too hard as if I have to earn that mercy, not just from Him but from others as well. So I think Jesus slows me down to teach me a thing or two and draw me closer. I have learned so much from Him, but I can forget the simple truth of enjoying Him, His grace and showing myself that same courtesy. Will I ever learn? I don’t know.
On a good note, I have learned to show grace to others. That’s something, right!? So He’s a pretty good teacher! Yes, I joke with him too. He knows that I think He’s an amazing teacher. ❤
“But He gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”James 4:6
“But he — God, giveth more grace — To all those who, while they shun those tempers, sincerely and earnestly pray for it. Wherefore he saith, God, resisteth the proud — The unhumbled; those that think highly of themselves, and put confidence in their own wisdom, power, or holiness, and who seek the praise of men rather than the praise of God; against these God sets himself in battle array, as it is expressed, Proverbs 3 He rejects them, and will not allow them access to, or communion with himself. He thwarts their undertakings, and renders their schemes abortive. But giveth grace unto the humble — Unto those that are humbled under a sense of their ignorance and weakness, their guilt and depravity, and therefore have no confidence in any thing they are or have.Benson Commentary
I really really like Proverbs 3. Yes, God is against the proud, but look how much grace He shows to the humble. ❤ It’s worth paying attention.
(Photo credit goes to Pixabay.com user codyvanscyoc. )