It’s a new year. But where do I begin?
When I woke Friday morning I was worried about the day ahead. I spent the days before in tears. However, Saturday afternoon there was a bit of a shift: some laughter and smiles surfaced. On Sunday I felt really low again. Then Monday I was worn, but had some smiles. Waves……
When I shared my last post I was struggling so much. I felt so burnt out. I’d started to experience a lot of anxiety and mood swings. Pushing myself to keep writing wasn’t working. At this point I just thought I was burning out. Maybe that was part of the problem. But there are so many other factors that have contributed to life not feeling so wonderful.
Three weeks ago I started taking an antidepressant. To be honest the idea of going on antidepressants terrified me. Do you know how difficult it is to take something that you’re reluctant to take? On the first day I told Andrew I was taking my poison. (Okay, that’s a bit funny). But I was seriously dreading it. Nevertheless, I was feeling desperate to calm my waves. A leap of faith is sometimes all you’re left with.
I so want to write, share and read. I’ve sort of gone into hiding which isn’t recommended when you’re dealing with depression. I’m not sleeping well. So I’ve been feeling really worn. Regardless, I want and need a bit of community. I also need something positive to focus on and look forward to. However, fear began to rise as I took a look at my blog on Friday. Am I ready? Will the words come to me? Will I be overwhelmed? What if I push too hard too soon? I’m really great at going overboard and tremendously skilled at sinking.
My final verdict? Well, it isn’t a water metaphor. I’m going to take some baby steps and play it by ear. Maybe it IS a water metaphor. Who knows… perhaps I’ll learn to walk on water. I thought I was supposed to be learning to fly. So confusing.
I won’t be enforcing a strict schedule. This means that I’ll only write and post when I’m truly feeling up to it and have something to share. I may not be able to keep up with everyone’s blog either. Prayers would really be appreciated.
One of the songs which has really been comforting to me lately is the song below by Tenth Avenue North. The video below it explains why the band chose to write this song. I really like Mike Donehey. He made me smile so much with his teaching video. He’s funny and it’s so honest. I can relate. I’m sure there are so many that can. However, we still have this hope that God hasn’t abandoned us. Jesus is faithfully with us through it all even when it doesn’t feel that way.
Thanks for reading and being part of my crew. ❤ God Bless.
I Have This Hope
(Photo Credit goes to Pixabay.com user Comfreak)