The best step that I’ve taken in these last couple of months was when I dropped my Sunday post. Shortly after this I decided I wouldn’t read blogs on weekends as well. This has been really good for me. It’s given me a chance to shut out all distractions and simply listen.
One weekend I opened up my YouTube app to listen to some music. While listening to one song I browsed through the comments. Someone had left a Bible verse that I couldn’t help but “like.” This got me following God’s bread crumbs. At least that’s what I call them. So I clicked through to this person’s YouTube account where I found a video series on depression.
One of the things I took away from listening to Dr. Neil T. Anderson was that I’ve been grieving loss and didn’t realize it. Dr. Anderson says that loss is one of the leading causes of depression.
I suspected that my depression was partially circumstances. However, I never gave much thought to loss and grief. Probably because I’m a “plow through things” kind of person. Unfortunately, plowing through things only led to over studying and writing (or becoming a work-a-holic for God) and hasn’t helped me to get out of the pit I fell into.
There is definitely more than one reason this happened:
- I didn’t know how to process loss (loss of health, work and dear friends.)
- The loss of our business made me suddenly feel useless, so I felt the need to make myself useful.
- Identity issues. Forgetting that what I do or don’t do for a living doesn’t define who I am. I’m a child of God and that’s enough.
- Isolation and loneliness. After we shut our business down we became more isolated. The pandemic only added further isolation.
- It’s really difficult to get to a place of acceptance and healing when you don’t realize that you’re still experiencing grief.
This has only been the tip of the iceberg. I have a lot more to share, but as I continue to spend more time listening and processing I’m encouraged and hopeful as things begin to click. It’s the sticking part I’m slightly worried about, but I’m processing that, too.
If you could benefit from listening to a series on depression or know anyone who could, I’ve compiled a playlist of that series below as well as some of his more recent videos on loss and depression.
(Photo credit goes to Pixabay.com user jnusch.)