Behind the Poem (Far Away)

I wrote this poem below back in October. I thought that I had deleted it as I felt that it was too depressing. I’m generally a positive person, but I do have my struggles, and I can hide how I’ve been feeling.

When I reconnected with the friend that I mentioned in “Peace Talks” I sent him a break down of why I was feeling so alienated. There were more reasons than I realized. It’s no wonder I was feeling so overwhelmed and lonely. Keeping all of that to yourself is lonely in itself.

Reading through this poem again, it isn’t as depressing as I recalled it to be. (With the right perspective it’s even positive.) I was just pouring out my heart to God. The Psalmists did this too. They shared all of their sorrows with Him, but like myself they also decided to trust Him and praise Him, ending their laments on a positive note. 

There really are so many reasons why I can feel so alienated: non existent relationships with people I should have close ties with; not sharing the same thoughts and heart as others; not connecting easily with people; not getting out of the house enough; not having people in enough; feeling like an alien in this crazy world; cutting ties with people I don’t want to cut ties with; feeling stuck by circumstances; not hearing from friends; feeling like I’m the one who always has to pursue relationships, and then not having that effort reciprocated; fatigue; seasonal depression; health issues that can keep us homebound; not being able to be all of me; and the list can go on.

Though I can feel this way, I’ve been reminded more than once lately that feelings can’t always be trusted. Looking at my list, I know that my efforts to pursue relationships are reciprocated, not always, but they are. I’m very thankful for those who do include me and give me a chance to know them. They have no idea how much that blesses my heart.

All relationships take work. A relationship with God is no exception. I’d say it’s even the most challenging, but it’s been the most rewarding as well. Our thoughts aren’t His thoughts, and our ways aren’t His ways. This is a very good thing!

It takes a journey of faith to get to know Him. This means pursuing Jesus, too. Thankfully this relationship goes both ways. He isn’t silent, and He accepts us as we are when we come to Him with an honest heart. Yes, there’s work to be done in us. This always means change, but it’s so worth it to know Him.

Do you need more proof that He isn’t silent? Just yesturday I recieved this verse through reading a sister in Christ’s blog:

“But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ.

Ephesians 2:13

I needed this reminder too. When you feel as if there’s a great chasm between you and certain people, and this world leaves you feeling so far from home, Jesus knows your heart and what you need. We’re reminded that God not only isn’t distant, but that He draws us close to Him. We can push Him away though. Even then He’ll keep working to pull us to Him. That’s the never ending, unfailing love of God. ❤

Far Away

Isolation

It feels like desolation

I know that You’re near

But I don’t know what to say

All these emotions

And worldly notions

I’m in a world of my own

And I feel so far away

I know this is best

You don’t have to convince me

I wouldn’t trade You for anything!

Please tell this to my head

Please seal it on my heart

For my wings have lost the wind

And my head has missed the mark

I won’t stay here long

I know You too well

On wings like eagles I’ll soar again

You won’t leave me idle

There’s too much to say

It’s okay… if for now

I’m feeling so far away.

Tina S.W.

October 18, 2019

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:29-31

“If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.”

Hebrews 11:15-16

18 thoughts on “Behind the Poem (Far Away)

  1. Beautiful poem and post. I do understand your struggle. I get down at times too, because of lack of close relationships. It’s hard to find such close knit friends these days. When my husband and I were watching one of the Hallmark Christmas movies, there were a group of friends who went out of their way to show up for another friend. I actually cried and asked my husband if there really are friendships out there like that. I don’t see that in my own sphere. But part of that is my own fault too. I am an introvert and find it difficult to put myself out there. I do feel isolated as well. Although I do go to work each day. But many of the people who I work with aren’t Christians or just have different values. It is something I pray about sometimes. And I pray for your struggles as well. 💕

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    1. It IS difficult. My closest friends are actually miles away. There still close to my heart, but it’s difficult for Andrew and I to tap into to a community due to our health issues.

      We got out today. Andrew’s parents invited us out for lunch. Then we ran a few errands, but I’m not feeling great, so I started feeling eager to get home again.

      I’m an introvert too, so I can be quite, which you can’t tell from someone’s writing. I”m more talkative than I used to be, and I push myself to be more outgoing, but, yeah, we spend a lot of time at home. It’s definitely more difficult when both of you have health issues. If I’m having a better day it doesn’t mean that Andrew is. But today was nice. The sun was out and we had a nice meal with mom and dad. ☺ Thanks so much for the prayers. Oh, it’s probably difficult for you to find those close friends because you and your hubby are like us: no children. I always found that it was difficult to find somewhere to really fit in. Because Andrew and I look young for our age, and we’re young at heart we ended up in the youth group for a while there. ☺ But it’s hard when everyone else has their families to look after.

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      1. I am so glad you two got out today and had a nice day. I am sure that was a refreshing change. I can only imagine how difficult it is for you guys to both be battling health issues constantly. But what a blessing that you have each other. I imagine it helps you both to be more compassionate and understanding with one another.

        You know what, I think you are right. I never thought about it before. But not having children does make it hard to fit in. That might be a big reason why I have had trouble making friendships.

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      2. Yes, the compassion and understanding is definitely the blessing. And I guess it also helps us to be more compassionate and understanding of others as well. It is very difficult at times especially when you hit a long stretch where you’re really not feeling great. Then I start praying for some revival and steadfastness. 😃 I can resent it a bit, but then my perspective is changed with many reminders as to why this is a good thing. But yeah, Jesus was definitely right. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. And boy does it protest. I have to learn to think more like Paul and delight in these things. God is working on me. It’s definitely a challenging relationship! But It is rewarding… and I know that this is only the tip of the iceburg. The best is yet to come!

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      3. And because of all you go through, you have been a blessing to so many others by sharing your journey, showing us all to be more like Paul, and inadvertently reminding us not to complain over trivial things. I pray for healing and blessings for you both! 💕

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      4. Thank you so much, Bridget! I enjoy chatting with you, and reading your peaceful posts. I think we have a lot in common. I’m glad that our paths have crossed. Thanks you so much for the prayers! I will take all that I can get. I know God listens. ☺

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      5. Thank you and I feel the same way! I love chatting with you too and reading your posts. Yes we do have a lot in common. And I am so glad our paths crossed too! God is good! You’re welcome for the prayers! Sometimes we feel helpless, but we can always pray! And you’re right, God does hear us! I am thankful for that! ❤️

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  2. I like the poem Tina. It’s very honest and I too have had those times I felt God was far away. But He’s faithful to remind us of His Presence in some way. Thanks for sharing and always being so honest in your writings. ❤️

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